sexta-feira, 17 de agosto de 2012

de sonhadora para sonhadora


Em homenagem a uma florzinha chamada Rêveur, que hoje nos lembrou quem fomos e quem somos.

Começamos a escrever aqui em 2007.
A Rêveur tem razão, foi há tanto tempo. Quando se tem 20 anos, você mastiga os anos inteirinhos e ainda aproveita o suco e as cascas.
Eu tinha 21 anos e tinha acabado de assinar um contrato que eu mesma redigira e mudou drasticamente a minha vida.
Eu escrevi o contrato com a certeza de que o rasgaria futuramente, mas depois que ele entrou em vigor estava claro que não haveria reverso.
Mudei a rota. Soltei os cachos do cabelo, tirei o vestido longo florido amassado do armário e as alpargatas, comecei a tomar cerveja no Terceira Aula e a frequentar bares pés-sujo, fui fazer terapia alternativa e participar de temascais em Pedra Bela.
Botei a vida na rota certa, como você faz quando pega o bebê que engatinhava rumo ao degrau e coloca-o de novo no lugarzinho seguro.
Eu achava que o seguro era o seguro, e o inseguro é que era.

Tem certas coisas que a gente aprende e fixa, mas a verdade é que a maioria delas a gente tem de reaprender todos os dias. Tenha 21 anos, 26 ou (imagino) 35. É um exercício diário conseguir prestar atenção no que você sente e não no que você pensa, pois a mente é traiçoeira e o que você sente é sempre o melhor termômetro; livrar-se de antigos padrões que já não prestam mais, mas de alguma forma estarão sempre ali, na gaveta do passado que nem sequer existe; viver o amor sem perder-se nele (a numeróloga disse que seria a maior lição da minha vida até os 35 anos); não se comparar com o outro, porque você pode realizar seus maiores sonhos, mas se se comparar com os outros tudo vai sempre parecer pequeno ou insuficiente.

Certo, hoje dou risada de pessoas e coisas que eu admirava aos 21, já não sonho os mesmos sonhos, mas os respeito, e converso muito com as amigas sobre coisas que não eram pauta, como a dificuldade da nossa geração de se encaixar em trabalhos com modelagens antigas que simplesmente não servem na gente.

De 2007 pra cá, aconteceram coisas maravilhosas como ter conhecido o homem que eu amo e com quem me casei sem ritos e cerimônias, apenas porque era natural fazê-lo; descobri que adoro ser dona de casa, cuidar de flores e cozinhar; virei madrasta de duas pessoas doces e generosas e com elas aprendi uma nova forma de respeito e amor, e um pouco como é ser mãe; viajei sozinha de carro a trabalho pelo Brasil e descobri ao mesmo tempo minha vocação e minha praia preferida no Nordeste; fui pro Caribe e pra Jerusalém; criei meu próprio blog, o Calunga cor-de-rosa; trabalhei em redação e cheguei à conclusão de que gosto mesmo é de ser frila, poder fatiar meu próprio tempo, não passar horas seguidas em frente ao computador e ter tempo para pensar em meus projetos e para passar uma quinta à tarde jogada no sofá da casa da vovó ouvindo as tias, as primas e os choros dos bebês.

Mas no fundo é isso, Rêveur, somos as mesmas meninas. Quer uma prova? Conversa agora no Gtalk com uma Menina de Lá:

Ela: Tava pensando em largar o jornalismo
Eu: Naquela época do blog?
Ela: Não, agora. hahahaha

E, Rêveur, aprendemos o tempo todo com meninas ainda mais meninas, como aprendi essa semana com minha prima Fabiana e com você, que além de tudo me ensinou uma palavra nova em francês: sonhadora.








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